This page isn't what you wanted, is it?

• Do NOT click the Refresh button. Simply walk up to a wall and hit your head against it repetitively.
• If you typed the page address in the Address bar, make sure that your keyboard isn't still sticky from last night's "festivities". Go get a dictionary, and then try re-entering the web page address into the address bar. Make sure that it is spelled correctly. We both know it isn't, you stupid idiot.
• To check your connection settings, open case with a can opener or a jigsaw (be sure to use special metal-cutting blades) then poke around with a pickaxe. If you experience a slight electrical shock, you will know that you're getting warmer - Try poking at the little metal box in the top left corner of your PC.
• Some sites require actual intelligence and common sense to operate. Since you might be a complete idiot, click the Windows "Start" menu and then click Shut Down to save anyone from dealing with your stupidity anymore.
• Ever heard of Plato, Socrates, Aristotle? Idiots! Even they couldn't figure out why the page you're looking for is not available.
• Now sit there like a lump of crap, glaring at your monitor, regretting the day you decided to buy a computer.
• Check your connection settings. No, I don't mean the power cord numbnuts. I mean all those check-boxes and crap you should never have f***ed with. Those settings should match those provided by your Idiotic Sweaty Pigs (ISP) representative or your Local Anal Necrophiliac (LAN) Administrator.
• If you are wondering where you are, you are on the Cliffs of Insanity. However, if you need answers from Microsoft, feel free to search the pit of despair.
• Click the Back button to try another link - maybe its more tolerant than this one.