If you own one, I really hope you’re a woman…

    If you believe stories of Sir Arthur Cohen-Doyle, the great detective Sherlock Holmes has been known to use dolls. With the help of one of them, he located a precious diamond, another, being taken for the real maestro, was shot by Sebastian Moran. Who would have thought that today, in the dawn of twenty first century, such ways of self-protection would be freely available to anyone? Here it is: Safe-T-Man. That thing costs around $100 US dollars and can be purchased only through mail-order catalogs.

    Safe-T-Man is essentially a blow-up man. However, its advertised uses do not include any involving sexual fetishes: author’s idea of its “working environment” is to scare felons and dogs away from Safe-T-Man’s owner.

    This item is sold in deflated form and without any clothing. For an extra charge creators will also sell you a special carrying bag and a compressor. After checking out few second-hand stores and getting some used clothes, your new found friend is ready to be inflated. After that, Safe-T-Man’s field of use is limited only by the imagination of its owner: you can put it in your car to deter any hijackers, or, if you remember Sherlock Holmes, place it next to a lit window to create an illusion of presence in the house. Sit it down next to you on a subway late at night to avoid undesirable encounters with idiots – tell them its your husband. Or use it as a second passenger when crossing into NYC via the Lincoln tunnel via a two-plus person only lane.

    Essentially, Safe-T-Man has only one drawback – if someone realizes that you are traveling with a blow up doll [who you call your husband], escaping numerous forced psychological evaluations might prove troublesome. Plus, if the felons find out that your husband is made out of rubber, he will get cut up pretty bad. Well, don’t worry – the doll comes packages with a Safe-T-Man Quick Repair Kit. In other words, rubber glue.